Living the Path of Mist

I don’t know when I started thinking specifically on this subject, but I woke up this morning with some well-defined (well, at least for me) thoughts and I thought I’d share them.

I consider myself a hard polytheist; I always have. The gods, to me, are decidedly distinct individuals- except when they’re not. Someone on TC said (I’m having a bad brain moment and can’t recall who, or in what thread) that true Kemetic recons can’t really be hard polytheists, what with all the historical syncreticisms of deities within their own pantheon, their own culture. How does a hard polytheist reconcile the concept that the gods are distinct individuals, and then approach an entity like Amun-Re, or Het-haru-Sekhmet, or Bawy (Heru-Wer and Set)? For me, it comes down to this: soft polytheism is when people decide that two gods are the same person; a hard polytheistic Kemetic is just acknowledging when the gods decide they are the same person.

But I’ve also been struggling with how this works, exactly. How do two gods decide they are one, how does one god decide they are two? How can they be each other and themselves at the same time? It’s one thing to say, “well, they said so, so I’m going with it,” and really internalize the idea, which in the end is what I think that TC member was really talking about. And this morning (as I was thinking about the Morrigan, oddly enough- actually, not that oddly, but I’ll explain that train of thought derailment later) a possible answer occurred to me.

Do you ever have a situation you have to deal with, an act you have to perform, that before it happens you need to stop and put yourself in another mental head space, another frame of mind? You have to force yourself to think differently about the world, or the situation, or a person, or whatever- your reactions in that head-space are different than they would be if you hadn’t taken that moment to yourself. Now, what if your normal head-space and that special head-space existed at the same time? They are separate, aren’t they- because they have a different frame of reference, and their actions may be different- but they are linked, they are the same, because they’re both you. When it comes to the gods, I don’t think that Sekhmet is merely a head-space of Het-haru, or vice-versa; more that they are each other’s head-space. They recognize that shared point of view in each other, and being gods, they are capable of being themselves and each other at the same time when it suits them.

The reason that this came to me when I was thinking about the Morrigan is because, well, the Morrigan is tricky. All gods are tricky, of course, but the Irish ones are especially so, since we have such little primary information for them, and the Morrigan I think more than any other, because no one can seem to agree if she is one entity, or several smashed together, or several working under a specific title, or what. I have long been of the opinion that she was her own entity, and not just because I’m a hard polytheist. I’ve been wondering lately, though, if the Morrigan could be a little like Sekhmet- only instead of punishing those who go against ma’at, the Morrigan deals with issues of sovereignty. And extrapolating from the related experiences of TC members who belong to the Morrigan, along with mine, she punishes those who do not respect the personal sovereignty of those that are hers, while at the same time pushing those that are hers to acknowledge and respect and understand their own sovereignty. After all, “the Morrigan” is a title- it’s used as a name now, for that specific, avenging head-space, but it could imply that there’s a name buried under there, a Het-haru who revels in the joy of personal sovereignty. What her name is, I don’t know, but I’d like to find out, as I think that knowledge could enrich my relationship with the Morrigan.

Ever since I reconciled the idea of Heroes into my path, as belonging with the Dead, I’ve have been thinking on them more frequently. I haven’t worked out exactly how my practical relationship with them will work or what it will entail; my daily prayer to Kassandra asks her to speak to me, but the others… I’m just not sure. I feel the same pull to them as I do to Kassandra, but I’m not sure what they have to teach. There is Briseis, trophy of and potentially beloved of Achilles during the Trojan War; Tiy and Nefertari, the only Egyptian queens to be deified in their lifetimes; Iseult, Irish princess, wife of King Marc and lover of Tristan; Sadbh, the mother of Oisin by Finn, transformed into a deer; and to my surprise, Maggie Brown, better known to history as the Unsinkable Molly Brown, Titanic survivor and activist. I think I need to spend some time getting to know them better; I know Maggie & Kassandra’s story best of all of them, which is probably why I feel closest to them. As with everything else on my path, I have a lot of reading to do.

I don’t recall if I mentioned, but I removed most of the holydays from my calendar- right now there’s just the First Day, the Last Night, the beginnings of each of the seasons, and the solstice/equilux vigils. I was fumbling with how to properly observe them, and falling back into my old “just don’t do anything” behavior, which is not something I want. So the majority of my holydays are off the calendar for now. I intend to add them back in, one at a time, as I figure out exactly what each one means to me and my practice, and how to properly express that meaning through ritual. Instead, I’m observing my cycle- three days for each of the gods, the spirits and the dead. Here and there I’ve been a touch lapse, but for the most part I’m doing well.

I’ve also settled on a project to work on for each of my Many; for some of them the connection is more obvious than others. For Athene, I’m working on embroidery; I more associate her with weaving, but she appreciates any simple thing done well, and I’m hoping to do that. For Brighid, I’m working on a beaded tapestry idea; I’m still not sure if it’ll work, but I think the idea is getting there. For the Dagda, I’m working on my harp- I’m getting back into the habit of tuning her every day, and I’m going to try teaching myself how to read sheet music with flash cards. For Hekate, I’m studying herbalism, starting with some very basic and useful plants. For Hermes, I’m going to the gym regularly. For Het-haru, I’m learning calligraphy. For Inpu, I’m working on those holydays and rituals. For Lugh, I’m relearning French. For the Morrigan, I’m working on my divination deck. And lastly for Set, I’m tearing apart my room to get rid of all unnecessary, unused, unwanted crap so I can have some idea of order in here.

I think I’ve babbled enough for one morning!

Juni // Kat

“They do not demand my worship, they inspire it. This is the key difference. I worship them because my soul aches to.” — Bluedruid at Of Oak and Ivy

THIS. I don’t think I can really articulate my thoughts right now, but this.

Also, I think I’m going to reread American Gods today.

Juni // Kat

In a comment on my last post, Heather said:

“Because I grew up and lived quite happily without any form of religious practice in my life, there is a part of me that still wonders whether I need any in my life now.”

I started to type up a response to her, and then the more I thought about it the more I realized it was something I needed to think about in depth. I apologize in advance if this post doesn’t make a lot of sense; mostly I’m thinking out loud (as it were), typing as the thoughts occur to me.

I think the first thing that would be different about my experience is that I didn’t live quite happily without religious practice in my life- if I had, I don’t think I would have had that push towards the gods in the first place. My natural curiosity would have investigated the connection between my birthday and witchcraft, and then I would have moved onto something else, as I so often did. But having another option- an option where other people believed the old gods were real too- made me push forward and stick with it. I wanted to know more because I had to know more, and I always struggled to do things because I knew I needed to do something. I felt foolish and insecure because I was making it up as I went along, and I was sure in the pit of my stomach that I was doing something wrong.

This all rests on the word need. I need something; the gods, the spirits, the dead, they need something. In my mind, faith isn’t enough- it needs to be enacted, it needs to be shown. This brings to mind my idea of a good Christian- not one who believes in Jesus and tries to convert people, but one who believes in Jesus and sets an example by living a life Jesus would approve of. Maybe (and this is strictly for me, not a judgment on others) maybe for me, this big ritual stuff is my version of loudly converting people. It’s important for Christians to spread the word- it’s important for me to enact my faith. But maybe I’m approaching it the wrong way.

I’m wondering now if learning is my ritual right now. Ritual in a pagan context usually has such a specific meaning for me- maybe I need to broaden my understanding. I think I’m going to start a thread over at TC and pick some educated and experienced brains!

Juni // Kat

In a thread on TC today, I mentioned that the first and most important thing to do in the Path of Mist is to honor the gods, the spirits and the dead. I also mentioned that my greatest dream, as far as my path is concerned, is for religious practice to come to me as instinctively as my religious belief does.

I am really, really bad at maintaining regular religious practice. Some of it is a lack of willpower- I am an exceptionally lazy person at times. Some of it comes from being raised in an a-religious household, I think; it simply isn’t natural for me.

I’ve been feeling a little frustrated because while I have a religious calendar, we’re only into February and I already have barely acknowledged any of the “major” holydays on it. This is not how this year was supposed to go. But I keep feeling at a loss at what to actually do; I know I’m supposed to do something, that I created the holyday for a reason, but when confronted with actual practice I freeze up. I feel like whatever I do isn’t going to be good enough, and then I feel so badly about it I don’t do anything at all. I’ve just gone and taken all the major holydays off my Google calendar for the time being; it’s possible that I’m trying too hard to get this all done at once. Starting from the bottom is generally a good idea. It’s also possible that I’m just lazy, but the guilt makes me think otherwise. (One reason I have such problems with motivation is that I have no guilt over being lazy or procrastinating. It’s probably not good, but I wouldn’t know where to start to fix it.)

I’ve also been feeling some frustration with my cycle of days; I like the order, and I like having days set aside for each of the gods, spirits and dead, but sometimes that day is so busy with other life stuff that I completely forget. It feels very rushed. So I’ve expanded it from one day each to three. This means it will take a lot more time to cycle around- instead of once every three weeks, it’s once every 66 days or so. But I think three days at a time will give me the opportunity to focus on a particular project or idea if I want to, and give me some wiggle room when I don’t have the brain to focus.

I think I was going to talk about something else, too, but I’m so tired I can’t remember what it was!

Juni // Kat

Yesterday was Brighid’s feast day; unfortunately, due to coming down with the flu, it didn’t quite go as planned.

On Saturday I picked up all the ingredients for the lamb stew I intended to make on Sunday, as the recipe says that it’s even better the next day. Sunday was going to be a busy day, but I had made time to make the stew. Unfortunately, I had to wait until after our new dishwasher was installed, and he didn’t end up coming until the end of the possible time window, and it took longer than normal because we had such old hookups. I was feeling run down and tired afterward, so I decided I would just make the stew on Monday, the actual feast day.

Until I woke up feeling like I’d been hit by a truck and backed over a few times. I spent most of the day sleeping, though I did get some writing and plotting done. I still feel sick, so I won’t be cooking today, either- I don’t want to risk getting anyone else sick, since several people volunteered to try the stew (brave, brave souls.)

Yesterday morning started my year-long commitment to keep Brighid’s flame every day; I made a mini-shrine on my desk for her. It’s on a Guinness tray, which I thought would amuse her, and I have three candles on it- one for my daily flame, one for my TC cill shift, and one for when I actively do her work. I have one of my favorite pens on it for when I write, as well as the beautiful cross/brat that Finn crocheted for me for the TC cill swap. (I still have to get Mattie’s back in the mail- it was returned to me the first time, and then I wanted to leave it out for Imbolc for her, and now I’m too sick to get up the stairs without a lot of effort, much less getting to the post office.)

As soon as I’m feeling better I will make the stew, and hopefully she will understand why it’s late!

I hope everyone that celebrates it had a lovely Imbolc!

Juni // Kat